Condolences
by xSatoKasux
Summary: Carl's bottled up his emotions after watching Ron die and being shot in the eye not long after finally coming to terms with his feelings about Ron (inspired by 6x10)


Carl fidgets with the gauze covering his right eye, his nose wrinkling slightly at the coarse material rubbing against his skin.

Enid glances at him doing so through the corner of her eye, careful to not let him catch her staring. She offers no condolence. No "you'll get used to it's", because how could you get used to such a thing? She ignores her thoughts and goes back to reading her comic. She, along with Carl, had been collecting a few comics, as well as some food and had been keeping it in a box outside the walls, hidden well beside a log in the woods.

At first, when Carl asked her to go out to the woods she said yes. It was after the accident, and she could understand he needed to go out of the walls and just... have time to catch his breath. She got that. Lately, however, she had been getting impatient. She liked her downtime with Carl, but something was on his mind, something had been on his mind since the accident and for goddsake she just wanted to know what he wanted to say.

Carl continued fidgeting, seemingly absent-mindedly with his gauze and Enid sighed.

"Is there a reason we're out here?"

"We're kids" Carl responds not looking up, still heavily engrossed in his comics, chewing on a bit of the food they had brought out with them.

"Carl, I don't want to go outside the walls anymore." Enid huffs out, becoming increasingly fed up with his attitude; how long was he going to act, going to pretend that nothing happened? The woods- wasn't it just a reminder of what happened, of what always happens? The safety & security of the walls...she was finally able to see what it meant to have it.

Carl doesn't respond but instead gets up, puts his comic down and leaves, with Enid hesitantly following his trail.

There's an awkward tension as the two walk through the woods, before Enid can't bare it any longer and breaks the silence.

"What's on your mind? You've been acting different lately-"

Carl whips around to face her "Lately?" he huffs angrily at her implication, cocking his head to one side slightly.

Enid is taken aback by his outburst but stands her ground "Yea, lately. Ever since-" she trails off, unsure how to approach the subject, her eyes fixated on his gauze. " _Lately_ , you're the one who's been wanting to come out here. Even after what happened to Alexandria. You act like...like nothings changed! Like people didn't die...well, maybe its different for you; they weren't important to you anyway"

Carl glares at her; eyes widening, his jaw locking, his cheeks flushing an angry shade of pink. His breath is seemingly caught in his chest. "Don't- don't talk like I don't know what it is to lose people. I know damn well- I know what it is. I lost people that night too. While you where- wherever the hell you where, I was..." Carl suddenly looks like he's not breathing. He takes a raspy breath, a lump caught in his throat. "I was in the middle of it. I watched it-I watched them..." He looks away so he isn't facing Enid, and suddenly she knows what he's been trying to tell her this whole time. "I saw..." but he can't finish the sentence. It was like he was physically hurting talking about it.

Carl's back is now to Enid; she watches his shoulders tense and his fists clench, nails digging into his palms, and she knows he's so hurt he doesn't want her to see his face.

Enid's expression falls, she reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder, which stiffens to the touch "Carl" she says quietly "why did you bring me out here?"

"I watched them die, Enid. I-I watched him die as he shot me. He was going to kill my dad. He had to die- he-" Carl cuts himself off and turns to face Enid, tears streaming out of his left eye. He sniffs heavily and his hands dig into the grubby pockets of his worn out jeans. He hands Enid a note. She recognises Ron's handwriting immediately. It was addressed to Carl. The contents of the note cause a pang in her heart.

"I came out here to bury him. I brought you because if- if i found him-" he laughs a little, mockingly, wiping the hot tears from his good eye on his plaid sleeve. "It was selfish- i just needed- hell i dont even know"

Enid speaks up after a long period of listening to the silence of the woods and Carl's subdued sobbing. She hugs him, partly a gesture of condolence between two friends, partly because she was a little awkward with people crying."I didn't know.. I didn't know you watched. I didn't know Ron felt- I didn't know anything. I'm sorry..." She whispers into his shirt, repeating herself slightly, her hands resting on the back of his neck, her fingers fidgeting.

Carl pulls away from the hug "We should get to the walls before we get noticed"

Enid doesn't respond. She doesn't offer any more condolence. No "We'll bury him's" or "It'll get better's", because how the hell could it get better? Carl had his heart, ...and his eye.. ripped out. She sighs, tired, and ignores her thoughts, leading the way back to the walls.

* * *

A/N: angsty drabble...idk is this even a thing? roarl? smh...


End file.
